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AFI - Prelude 12/21 |
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I'm glad you don't look at my IJ anymore, because I can speak about you so freely now.
Yes, I still hate you so much.
I wish I didn't, but now I'm seeing that you haven't changed a bit. You're the same petty, childish person you were when we broke up. Like I predicted, you've gone from Fallout now to Brink and Champions Online. You're a fandom whore. Something shiny comes along and you hop into it. You make characters and leave them. Gods know how many corpses you've left behind. You were poison to me.
Look at all you left behind. Kryzeck, Emmerich, Miles, Atreyu, and god knows what else. Did you leave Nameless behind too? Because it sure as fuck looks like it. You had GOLD in those character concepts, and you left them. Why do you think I picked up the Concordian banner with Nemo? You had SOMETHING FUCKING BRILLIANT and you gave it up because you couldn't even end it all amicably.
Yes, I'm still angry. I'm never going to NOT be angry until you grow up, until you acknowledge that YOU were the whole reason things went to shit! I gave you everything I fucking had and you blew me off for games and everyone else. Then when you cocked up the one fandom I felt safe in by bringing your goddamnNazis into Sengoku Japan, yeah, that was the last straw. That is what broke this coyote's back. Yeah, we crossed over Half-Life into Samurai Warriors, and I was fine with that. Why? Because we had mutually discussed it, we had spoken about it beforehand, we AGREED on it. It wasn't just pulled on me out of fucking nowhere. Even with the Badlands Blues, we talked beforehand.
No, you just started cocking things up left and right because it was what YOU wanted. And me, being so stupid and desperate to want to stay your girlfriend, agreed. No, I'm not so innocent. I was stupid to ever have feelings for you. I was stupid to love you, because I got nothing in return. I got nothing and will never get anything.
Hindsight is 20/20 after all, if I could return to that day in November, I never would have said anything. I would have stayed just a friend, and maybe we would still be spinning beautiful stories today. Yes, I miss them. I miss what we had created. I miss those long stories and those wonderful characters. I miss the old days of Seattle and the fledgling hours of Night City.
But now I don't want it. Because you haven't changed.
You're still the same person you were four years ago.
And I don't love you anymore.
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bored
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calm
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chipper
annoyed